


Nightime Visitors

by Sylvia



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Crack, Dialogue-Only, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1998-07-09
Updated: 1998-07-09
Packaged: 2018-01-10 22:39:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1165421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sylvia/pseuds/Sylvia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Scully drops by unexpectedly. Mulder has a lot to explain.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nightime Visitors

Mulder!!!

(silence)

Mulder.

(brief pause, then) Yep, that's me.

Are you going to explain this to me?

Actually, I'd rather not.

That's what I was afraid of. May I come in?

You're already in.

Of course. May I come further inside and perhaps sit down before my knees give way and spill me onto your not entirely clean carpet?

Sure, Scully. Come in, sit down. Have a cookie.

A cookie, Mulder?

Figure of speech. Sunflower seeds?

No thank you, Mulder.

Well, just thought I'd ask.

And where do you expect me to sit?

Ah, it's a bit of a mess I'm afraid. Never got around to cleaning up… Here, I'll just pull up a chair for you and throw this junk on the floor.

What _is_ that?

Oh, just… Some handcuffs, things.

Things.

Yeah. Listen, uhm… Was there anything in particular that you wanted to talk to me about? Not that I'm not always glad to see you and chat, but it's rather early in the morning for you to be up and about. I thought you didn't stay up after two a.m. in the usual run of things. I wouldn't want you to miss out on your beauty sleep.

I don't _like_ to stay up this late, Mulder. It's not healthy. It is important to maintain regular sleep cycles. However, you had three severely charred bodies delivered to me yesterday evening and insisted that I autopsy them before I leave for Hawaii for my well-deserved and long overdue vacation, which I will do at eleven in the morning. Today.

Ah. Did you find out what they died of?

Yes, Mulder. In fact, I have the report with me. Here it is.

Thank you.

But that is not why I came by.

No?

No. I came by because I received an urgent call when I had just finished the autopsy on the third of your so-called victims of spontaneous combustion. Let me take the opportunity to note that I can not consider a combustion accompanied by such vast amounts of chemicals suffusing every inch of muscular tissue very spontaneous. I admit that it is unusual for someone to ingest large amounts of combustive chemicals immediately prior to lighting themselves a cigarette – I admit that I am not certain as to what kind of chemicals were used – but that is no reason to conjecture that any paranormal or psychic forces were involved.

You always say that kind of thing. Why do you always say that kind of thing, Scully? You always find the most complex and unlikely explanations for phenomena which could be explained by much simpler theories, theories you refuse to so much as consider on the sole grounds that they don't fit your preconceived notions of scientific -

 _But_ that is not why I came by. As I was saying, Mulder, I received an urgent call from A.D. Skinner, who had, in his turn, received an urgent call from an Agent who had been contacted by –

Scully, I'm rather cold. Could you keep this short, please?

You should turn up the heat in your apartment if you plan on standing around with no clothes on, Mulder.

I do have clothes on.

In a way, I suppose you might say that. What _is_ that?

Scully…

The gist of the matter is that A.D. Skinner warned me that Krycek has been seen in town.

Oh?

Yes.

Well, thank you for telling me.

You're welcome.

You might have phoned me.

I did, in fact, attempt to do so.

Oh?

Yes, I did, and so did A.D. Skinner. However, you did not answer your phone either time, Mulder.

Oh. Well, I guess maybe the batteries…

Which is why I then decided to come by your apartment in person. When you failed to answer the door, I was afraid that I was too late and Krycek might already have broken in.

So you decided to come in and have a look around.

Precisely. I believe you will be able to imagine my dismay at finding that Krycek had indeed arrived here before me.

I really should have the lock exchanged one of these days.

Perhaps you should. Allow me to remark that I am relieved you appear to have the situation so well in hand.

You are?

I was afraid I would find you dead, Mulder. I was afraid that Krycek would come here to kill you.

Yes. Well. He won't do that. He can't, can he? I've – apprehended him and put him under restraints.

I can see that, Mulder.

Well then! That's settled. You're sure you wouldn't like any sunflower seeds? No? Well, then I guess I'll see you when you get back from Honolulu –

What I would be interested in knowing is why Krycek is not wearing any clothing.

He's Russian.

And?

And Russians are strange people.

Really.

Yes.

It's the middle of winter, Mulder.

Compared to a winter in Siberia, I'm sure the temperatures here seem downright tropical.

I see. So what you are saying is that Krycek, who, being a Russian, naturally regards anything above the freezing point of helium as balmy weather, broke into your apartment not wearing any clothing… and you then overpowered him, handcuffed him, and threw him down on your sofa in order to interrogate him.

Something like that.

And incidentally, you also happened not to be wearing any clothing at the time.

I _am_ wearing clothing.

So you say, Mulder.

Hey, do you know how much this thing cost?

Pray do not enlighten me. I make it a point never to ask men after the price of their lingerie.

It is _not_ lingerie!

Pardon me if I do not know the correct term for your skimpy black laqueur… garment.

Look, Scully, was there anything else?

Yes, Mulder, there was. If you are trying to interrogate him, then why is he gagged? Are all Russians ventriloquists?

Of course not! I was going to make a cup of coffee and didn't want to be forced to listen to his whining all that time.

Whining.

Yeah, you know, begging for mercy, promising to tell me everything he knows if I don't kill him, complaining that it's too hot in here...

Ah. If you have him so intimidated, Mulder, then perhaps you would care to tell me why he is laughing so hard?

He isn't laughing, Scully. He's in transports of terror. It's the gag, you can't tell the difference.

Indeed.

Now, there was nothing else, was there?

I think I have seen more than enough.

Yeah, so do I.

I certainly hope you know what you are doing, Mulder.

Of course I do. He keeps coming back, doesn't he?

(pause, then) I'm going to pretend I did not hear that. In fact, I am going to pretend I did not come here at all.

Good. I mean, I wouldn't want anyone to get the false impression.

 

The End.

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Feedback of all kinds appreciated!


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